Your purpose.

you are meant to be my bride.
There's no other but you that i want.
you were formed for me
you are beautiful my bride.

I have given you beautiful garments but you were beautiful to Me even before I gave them to you.
You were beautiful to me before you knew Me.
You are not discarded
you are not beautiful by what you wear.
Your beauty's not from what you wear, you don't need to cover them.
you are free to walk everyday dress in these garments.
i will save you not because of who yu have saved but because i love you and because you love Me.
You can never do enough to "achieve" My love, i have given it to you freely,
whether or not you can do anything, i love you.
I just want you in my arms.
Its okay to not have the answers. Its okay to need something, to be in need, to ask me.
I will not turn you away, I want to give them away to you.
I okay to have doubts, to have questions, to lose faith, lose hope. Thats why I am here.
Only when you need hope can I give it to you.

i want you to be joyous, happy. i won't withhold happiness from you or anything back from you.
i know your desires, what you cry for, what you wait for, what you want and what you need.
i will not withhold the good things from you.

You can trust me. Its ok to ask. I am in control. and no harm will come to you.

Above all, you are mean to be my bride. You are who i will pursue for all eternity.

:
I've always been told fairy tales endings were not true.
True love never meant to be the it- the all.
But that was before i met You.
before i learned You knew my name when i scorned Yours.

What was never meant to be true
You brought breath into
You breathed life to.
You brought forth life.

May 8, 2010

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His eyes seek for a hope
and his soul longs for an embrace.
his heart eager to hold them both

This ache is awake
to love, to pray, to cry, to awaken,
the soul of he who waits to hear a loving voice.

He misses him, He says,It's you i long for. You and nothing else.

I am jealous for such an ache
soon to be met by His grace.
in the pain, stands another another
moment of brilliant change,
when His hand, warm, brings an embrace.
I am pained by his ache
and long to show him the mistake,
for the lover is await
and ready to take His place
as loving Father, mother and lover, today.
and nothing but a veil stands in the way.

Jan.25.2010

He rejoices in the one who had wandered but He has found and brought home
Luke 15:4-7

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Destiny lays in the womb
Hidden, buried, waiting for Spring.

She's not what we see, make or dream.
She has a soul, a whisper, a need

She's known her secret, "Kept between
my Maker and I" ----
Jumping for the day to arrive.

Destiny has a path, a sequence, her own dreams --
Meant to be breathed.

A secret, but never hidden
Unknown, but not formless
Unheard, but not unintentional

Now
Destiny's in our hearts, uncovered by fear
unconscious, immobile, no longer need wait for Spring

Will we let Destiny breathe
Will we let Fear remove
an existance, never to be seen

Affordable-- if we let Destiny be
Still, immobile, unnecessary to "me".
Simpler, to let Destiny be
Sleeping, dormant, never seen.

But can you afford a morning without song,
a melody without rhyme,
souls without a purpose or spirits without a soul?

Destiny crawls, underneath the monotony of societal lies
Wanting to be the beat to a rhythm, the color to the dreams
The purpose to a life.
Destiny Shall Always Breathe.

Psalms 139: 14-16.

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i dont know why i do the things i do now. none of it makes sense but yet i do know i need Him and im not willing to let this world change that need. even unto my shock, even when it does mean losing some of the greatest parts of my life.



i know in truth your faithfulness, your promises, your love for me and i stand to them today, ready to believe in them ready to partaken in them fully because they are all i have today. Your strength, your comfort, your protection, my sun and my shield, take part in my life now more than ever and bring glory to Your name. your daughter needs you.

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theres been a deep well inside of my life for quite
some time now thats been running dry. full of
disappointment, fear, and isolation, I’ve never gone
near it, too afraid to discover what could be laying
deep within after all these years of neglect

and abandonment. I've been able to get on
by without this well, searched the nearest places in
my lifetime for some provision of water. and
provision i found.

i thought I’d found the answer to all my needs,
perfected all the cracks and edges of my life. Created
some theories, some advice, wise words to live by.
But i never laughed, i lived through time wary of
everything. I thought i found God, i had first heard
of Him, rejected him, drew closer to Him, heard
Him, prayed to Him, and relied on Him. I wasn't
ready to drop my valuables in my hand in order to
take only His. But then i did, because i was tired of
an emotional life that rode between the worst and
the good.

And so He showed me the well. He let me
hear the sound of its emptiness with my own tears.

Love.
There’s a power behind our words that i have only
recently discovered. It was like learning language all
over again. I have graduated school, had my share of
heartaches and laughter, written well on exams and
essay but to grasp the meaning behind a few words i
have never truly learned.

Father.
To speak it in english. no problem, to hear it,
okay. Its something i'd become accustomed to,
explained plenty of times in my lifetime as questions
came up about my family. The role of the word in
society, no problem. I'd cross examined it plenty of
times in my classes.

父親. 愛
and in chinese? Its a side of me i learned to push
aside as irrelevant in years of american society. I had
never possessed much of my cultural inheritance, it
was a part of my life that was just not relevant.

and then to hear 我的父親愛我,
i stil get shivers hearing that repeated in my own
head and from my own lips. The more He told me,
the more i wept, the greater i laughed.

The first few drops down the well, were painful to
hear. it only reminded me of the emptiness it held,
of the lack, the thirst and desperation inside my
mouth and my heart. for water.

for a father.

Then something broke. The well was cracked, the
well was useless, it was only a shell, an opening for
the water. And out came living water, endless,
limitless, streaming, pouring over and into me joy,
relief, and peace.

- His daughter

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what is it like to realize marriage is not about you or nor are you about you?

when two flesh become one, they bring to the world a different unique destiny.
Knowing God has brought out my experiences a compassion and a desire unique to me, He's going to use that. There is someone.some people. out there who need this compassion and this love.

There is some nation. some people. some one who needs him more than i do. He has a destiny that serves people. Intertwined with another, marriage brings forth life. forth destiny. change.

I'wont be able to know for sure if we will spend our lives together that way. i can hope, i can pray. i can be assured knowing He will use our lives for a righteousness that exceeds our knowledge.



Know God has an area of your heart He's ready to change, or has already, and He's able to use all the disappointments of your life and make it into hope for another, so there is light from your darkest days.

Sometimes we will be unable to love, and He will step in and show it to us. Not how it's done, but how He can love you and the inconvenient to love with the same amazing passion.

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